Friday, January 18, 2008

The world has gone Tom Cruise.

Like some batshit crazy scene out of one of Tim LaHaye's far-out novels, along comes Tom Cruise.


I've come to realize that there are a lot of ape shit crazy people in this world. For instance, I read today that some yahoo in Iowa, right before the causes, preached on about how churches should control the states, not vice versa. "Read your history," he said.

Or how some other yahoo running for office would just as well write his own Constitution, given the chance, because - you know - elect holy men are the ones that should be running our country.

Thank goodness most states in the nation would have to agree in order to write looney laws like the "protection of marriage" into our country's most sacred document_ But lately, I'm starting to wonder.

You see, what I've been missing is this whole side of the country that's whacked out of their minds. I tend to surround myself with reasonably sane people (exceptions exist, as with anything), and I'm afraid if I conversed with one of these fine folks, my nose would start gushing blood.

Come to think of it, I have encountered these folks. One was outside the library trying to "protect" marriage by banning gays from civil unions. He had a clipboard, which lent him undue authority.

Or, recently, Jackson's own group of yahoos pulled the plug on a teen pregnency program because - gasp! - Planned Parenthood was helping to fund the thing. According to Jackson Right to Life, Planned Parenthood would hand out abortions like they were candy. Nevermind that abstinence-only programs, besides being laughed at by 16 year olds everywhere, don't work.

You see, what Tommy preaches on about up there is merely a symptom. Tom says, "I wish the world was a different place," and what's dangerous is that Tom and people only half as nutty as he is are trying to wish that into reality.

The end of the video claims that Tommy's message has reached "more than 1 billion humans." What they video doesn't say is that those billion suckers committed suicide immediately after walking out of the Holiday Inn the Scientology group rented for the come-together. The human brain is capable of only so much Punch and Judi before it explodes in an orgy of get-me-the-hell-out-of-here.

It's true. And what's worse is that there are people out there who might nod their heads in approval at platitudes if it was, say, Joel Osteen or Alex Jones. This country has a fine tradition of shit-talking bullshitters, and American eat them up. What makes Tom sound crazy to you and I is the same trite B.S. that makes Huckabee's constitutional suggestion sound like a nutjob.

Here's a tip: if someone ever tells you that theirs is the one-true way, grab a bamboo stick and hospitalize them. Don't even let them get up.

Tom's message is no more crazy than a lot of mainstream religious folks' message. It's just that his religion was invented last century. This happens all the time, and usually when a new one pops up everyone else thinks their crazy (lions + den = maybe they'll shut the hell up). But really they're no more crazy than the folks that are guarding the Coliseum.

You'd think that the Englighnment never happened. And here some are so freaked out about Muslims being the "greatest threat ever" (maybe they've never heard of a the Civil War?), yet they think abandoning the Founding Father's idea of the "consent of the governed" in favor of Bible-based laws. If that's the case, then they can trade Pokemon cards with the Taliban, and blow up some more Buddhas.

But this is America, and we need to let the crazies roam like buffalo on the high prairie. The hope is that, over time, people get smarter and society gets better. Some events have challenged this notion, and again we find ourselves threatened by the barbarians, who are knocking at the gates.

Hope springs eternal.

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